The Long Strange Trip to 32

I don’t have a category for years like this past one. There are times when unfathomable things happen, and life becomes unrecognizable from anything you ever dreamed or imagined. This was one of those times and one of those years…

My 31st year of life began in a hospital room as doctors searched for a reason why I was no longer able to move my feet on my own power, nor do anything with my hands requiring fine motor skills. They were unsuccessful. Three months and a couple of doctors later, it was determined that some of the medicine I had been on for the brown recluse bite had caused nerve damage in my feet and hands. The doctor refused to say how long it would take to heal, or if it would heal at all. In the meantime, they fitted me for some leg braces (aka Air Durlauf’s, pictured) that would have made Forrest Gump proud. They were unwieldy, but they allowed me to walk without having to carry a cane or crutches, which was nice.

Somehow, amidst all of the weird medical stuff, I managed to complete my last semester of service at WKU, which was bittersweet. I also finished my Master of Divinity degree from seminary after six long years. Next to my engineering masters, I’ve never worked so hard for something in my entire life, so naturally it was one of the highlights of the year.

Having finished school, in my mind it was only a matter of time a stable job would come around, but so far that hasn’t been the case. Since returning from another great summer of working camp, life has been as slower than it has ever been. Job opportunities have been few and far between, and it has been difficult going from a schedule of working a full time job and going to grad school to exclusively job hunting.

Despite an underwhelming schedule, life has been starting to pick up a bit over the past couple of months. By God’s grace, I started volunteering with a local ministry which soon offered me an internship coordinating volunteers at an inner city elementary school. Now I spend three days a week with 5-11 year olds, and to my surprise I really enjoy it. In addition, by God’s grace, my feet and hands have been progressing as well. In October, I started to be able to play guitar again with some success, and by December my doctor cleared me to stop wearing my leg braces. I still can’t physically run or jump on my own, but I’m now optimistic that I will make a full recovery in time.

It has been a year of trials, triumphs, heart-breaks, small victories, rejections, near misses, and unexpected surprises. Despite the craziness, I have seen God’s hand working in all this year’s twists and turns. Through trials and loss I have been learning to place my identity in who I am in God’s eyes, not in what I do or what I can do. In the victories I have been learning thankfulness that God would chose to restore and work in and through a broken yet beloved individual such as myself.

This upcoming year is pretty much a blank slate. I have hopes that my life will move toward some semblance of stability in the next year, but I'm trying not to rely on that. Even if this year is as strange as the last, I hope that I will continue to learn how to find my stability in Christ’s unchanging love and not the circumstances I find myself in.