Identity (in) Crisis

A couple of weeks ago I had the privilege of hearing one of our students speak at length on her recent battle with cancer. At a mere age 20 she was diagnosed with stage three Hodgkin's Lymphoma. When the cancer was discovered the tumor was already the size of a softball. Yet, after only three chemo treatments and much prayer the tumor was gone. She has since completed her treatments, and there are no more signs of cancer in her body. The story of her healing  in itself was incredibly moving, but perhaps what was more inspiring was her demeanor in speaking about that struggle and the strength I witnessed in her as she was going through these life changing events. I could only hope to have as much grace in a time of trial and crisis...

Listening this student's story reminded me of a question I have been processing as I have been facing my own medical issues (although not nearly as severe) associated with my spider bite from last October.  The question is: How can someone have peace in the midst of crisis?

This is not an easy question, and if it were I don't think we would be so intrigued by those who "suffer well." However, the more I have wrestled with this question the more it has become apparent that how I handle crisis is very closely related to where I find my identity, that is: what makes me feel valuable as a human being or what gives me purpose. For example, two of my favorite things to do are playing guitar and playing ultimate frisbee. As I write this, I can't physically do either of these things. The weakness in my hands does not allow me to throw a frisbee normally, nor does it permit me to hold a guitar pick, depress the strings, or strum. The paralysis in my feet barely lets me walk, much less run, jump, and chase flying pieces of plastic. Therefore, if my identity is caught up in being an ultimate frisbee player or a guitar player, then I am sunk. My spirit is crushed.

Fortunately, there is much more to my identity than my interests and activities. As a Christian man, my ultimate identity is not tied to what I do. It is tied to my relationship to Jesus Christ. That relationship is something that can never be taken from me, and the same can be said for the joy and hope that comes with it. The days when I make my hobbies and abilities my identity are my most miserable days. The days when I remember who I am relation to Christ are by far my most peaceful and most hopeful days. It is identity in Christ that gives me strength to face what would otherwise be crushing circumstances.

I wish I could say I live in that peace and strength every day. I've certainly had my share of pity parties and angry moments in this healing process. Perhaps it is those very moments that point to the temporal and fleeting nature of what I often hold dear. Maybe it's lessons like these that God has placed me in this situation in the first place...

The question of why this all has happened is probably one I will never fully understand. However, I do know that as long as my identity is rooted in my relationship to Christ I have no need to fear spiders, lost abilities, or life altering circumstances. My peace is found in something that can never be taken away and will never fade away.

Where do you find your identity?