Sleepwalking

It has been over 40 hours since I last slept. Fortunately, that streak will come to an end soon.

I have had a couple of marathon weeks at school and work recently where everything all hits at once. Because of that, I was unable to begin studying for my test this morning until about 9:00 last night. Being unwilling to show up unprepared, I ended up studying all the way up until the test started at 8:30 AM...yikes. (I hate being task oriented) The test went surprisingly well, but all day I've been in somewhat of a sleepwalking state, just running on the fumes from the excitement of having finished one of my two tests for the week.

In a lot of ways I feel like I've been sleepwalking through life the last couple of months. Nothing has felt quite right since I've returned from Poland... My attitude toward school for one has been awful. I have been living in this tension where I know I am supposed to be in school, but at the same time I despise being there. I know I should be thankful for the opportunity to learn in such depth, but instead I am bitter because it makes me feel like my life is stuck in slow motion until I finish... As a result of this tension, I have been reduced to a mere sleepwalking state. I am physically present, but at the same time, unconscious and unalert.

I think part of the struggle has been seeing my closest friends moving on to new parts of life (full time jobs, marriage, children, stability...) while my life seems to remain much like it has been since I started college... go to class, do some homework, repeat...

However, the real problem is not being in school but how I've looked at it. I have been viewing my life as mundane when it is anything but. God has placed some people in my path this past week to really challenge how I view my life. Is it really mundane to pursue a calling, or is it mundane to fall into line with everyone else? I think that question in itself has opened my eyes a little more to what's really going on around me.

It has been almost two months since I've been truly awake. Hopefully, that streak will also come to an end soon.